Hearty congratulations to JaishreeVenkat, Abha Dutt Sharma, Rupali Chadha Bose, Upasana Anand Kinra and SangeetaGildiyal for sharing their views with us on the topic – ‘Dealing withstubbornness in children’. Their views have been chosen to get featured on ourblog. Do read and share your views.
I agree with Geeta that what shesays may be ok till age 3 but after that it does not work at all. After thatage parents should know how to tackle things as it may take a drastic turn if uextremely ignores them or extremely pamper them…… instead u should divert themwhat I said earlier to finish certain task so that they finish their job tooand get satisfied of things too but again it depends upon the demand. And weparents should know to draw a line till they reach certain age… and both theparents have to play their role simultaneously … if one parent becomesimpatient with the child then the other one has to handle by taking the side ofchild and make the child understand the thing.. And I tell u it works…Asstubborness comes after the age of 3 because the child starts going to schooland starts mingling with fellow kids and starts comparing their things withother kids of same age and their demands starts increasing.
Abha Dutt Sharma
I face the same problem with my 4year old, he would go stubborn the minute he thinks he is losing the battlewith me or us as parents or elders… then there is nothing in the world we cando to make him understand right from wrong and late…ly i have realised thatsometimes letting the child be works best or maybe most of the times, now wheni see that he is about to start asking for something which i may not agree withnormally..I control myself and say yes to it…i let him choose what he wants todo and take action and then when his decision goes wrong or he falterssomewhere he comes back to us…opening up his heart to us and telling us we toldhim what was the alternative…but sometimes we have to take control as parentsand say no, the child has to understand that there is a limit to everything andthere can’t be an utopian world where everything he says and wishes for isgranted.
Sometimes the stubbornness is to just win, sometimes it is a defense mechanism,(I stick to my words before they dare to say no to me) sometimes it is just forattention, it can be a habit for few, and also a part of growing up. Kids don’thave so much self control so they don’t realize that they have reached the so calledstubborn stage.
Rupali Chadha Bose
I think we as parents should be agood listener to our children, making them feel they are being heard is veryvery important step, followed by discussing why and how or whatever the reasonmaybe for the stubbornness, giving respect and acknowledging their concern cabsurely help dealing with stubbornness feel nothing replaces a good heart toheart conversation with your child we listen, we understand, we empathize, wegain confidence and we talk!
Upasana Anand Kinra
Well……….it’s another strike of powertactics………..we all as individuals want to control people and situations and soare kids are no exceptions hence if we understandthis one basic need of the kids to control us and d situation then may bethings will become easier for us.
So the first rule is that don’t get entangled in this power scuffle. Food isone very simple thing that they use to control parents…….they know that we loseour control when they don’t eat what they r supposed to so they use it to exerttheir power on us. as one of d parent rightly said that they imitate theirparents, it’s quite true, because if we ourselves become stubborn and keepinsisting on what we want then even they’ll think that sticking to one’s gun isd best way to behave and so even they’ll show stubbornness…!!
Again it’s a fine balancing between how much to control and how much to give in……..explanationswork well with all kids even if they r very small but don’t start explainingwhen d kid is totally out of control……….wait till he normalizes and explainaccording to his age.
Weave in age appropriate stories to show sense to them.
But don’t ever give up on your kids no matter how troublesome they are as uhave to be in control of yourself if you want to control them!
Many behaviors of child varyaccording to seriousness at that point, at certain age every child show somesort of behavioral disorder, so negotiate with patience if it’s not serious andif things are beyond limit then few very simple tips are here:
- Calm down kid at first
- Talk to kid about the issue
- See the world thru his/her eyes and then react
- Praise him /her show (at d right time ) that s/he is very special to you
Make him feel he is winner! )